Zappa’s “Montana” becomes new state song

A companion bill to change the Oro y Plata insignia to an image of Zappa flossing his teeth was less successful.

A companion measure to change the Oro y Plata seal to an image of Zappa flossing his teeth was defeated in a close vote.


Cohan & Howard’s “Montana” no longer official State Song —

In response to the average Montanan’s total ignorance of their official state song, lawmakers passed a bill to make “Montana,” the Frank Zappa song of the same title, the new state song.

“Nobody ever heard the one that says ‘Tell me of the Treasure State’,” declared a high ranking legislator, who asked to be identified, but was refused.

“But the people here are proud of our pygmy ponies and dental floss crops, which we harvest with zircon encrusted tweezers. It’s time we had a state song that reflects our true heritage and values, even if it did only get to #32 on the Billboard charts.”

When consulted via Ouija board, Zappa himself remarked, “It’s always a miracle when any government activity results in something that isn’t inherently dangerous to the general populace.

“The children of the state of Montana should be given the opportunity to sing something that includes passages in 10/8 time, and to learn the value of apiculture (the art of beekeeping – Ed.), and of drinking coffee. I should add that Ouija boards are a total waste of time, and there’s no way you can know that this is even really me.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to composing things that would be impossible to play on Earth.”

Legislators expressed hope that their counterparts in Arizona will not follow suit.

–Juan Bozeman, Field Correspondent

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