Speaking under condition of anonymity, a Montana Democrat addressed an audience of her boyfriend and a cat this morning, declaring the results of the midterm election to be “shitty.”
The 50-year-old 4th generation Montanan insisted on a second cup of espresso while expounding on her opinion that it sucks to know 57.91% of voters in her home state would rather see a pig-faced, richy-rich, Mother Nature raping corporate lapdog represent them in the U.S. Senate than to elect an intelligent Montana woman who is passionate about science, education and smart, sustainable decision-making.
“Don’t even get me started about that guy’s wacko creationist backers” said the liberal, who was clearly not wearing a brassiere under her disguise.
“It’s going to take a hell of a lot of leftover Halloween candy to put me in a good mood again,” the speaker continued, exposing her liberal arts education by using the correct spelling of the contraction “it is.”
From her nest in a mound of cast-off Twizzlers wrappers, the Democrat conceded that the defeat of LR 126, (the Republican-backed referendum that would have prevented stoners and slacker college students from registering and voting on election day) was something of a victory, but overall, she felt pretty crappy.
“And these Chewy Lemonheads are nothing but F***ing JELLY BEANS!”